– Secret Place Insights –
Dear One, it was already the second day of November, 2017, and only a few leaves had fallen. It seemed as though the trees were refusing to let go, and that winter would arrive late. But inside the house, it seemed winter had already arrived, for my mood was cold and bitter. For, like our leaves, I could not let go.
That morning, sitting with my Bible opened, I could do nothing but cling to my long-term sorrow, whispering mournful words. “Lord, I have brought this situation to You hundreds of times, and time and time again, You have comforted me during the hours in which sorrow overshadows me, but why do I keep coming back to this? I know that you are God, that You are responding to my prayers, that You are trustworthy, and that you have told me to wait. And yet here I am again in this ‘dark mourning of the soul.’ I am sorry Lord, but I am feeling lower than low.”
The conversation of ‘this is how I feel,’ and ‘this is what I must trust,’ went on for nearly an hour before I could even begin to read. When I lowered my eyes to the page, right at the place that a tear could have easily fallen, I looked upon the very words of Jesus. They took me into one of Christ’s deepest expressions of sorrow.
“My (Jesus) soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.” Matthew 26:38. I have read those words many times, but that morning the depth of His sorrow pierced my being like never before. I was stunned. My soul wept. Surely, He understood sorrow like none other.
Sometime later, from my quiet time chair, I stiffly moved to my desktop computer, to check the email. Here I learned that dear friends had lost their beloved son-in-law…more incomprehensible sorrow. I pondered how sorrow, nearly unbearable sorrow, was inevitable.
Out of what I knew to be true, but was not feeling, I shared with the bereaved family, …the Children of God cannot do anything, whether they want to or not, other than return to living hopelessly hopeful. For although Hope, at times burns dimly, because of God’s love – it does burn…eternal. May God give you and yours trust and peace.
As I ended the email, I realized that the very blessings I wanted for them were the ones I needed. As my computer returned to sleep mode, my eyes drifted to the window behind the computer. There I discovered our first snow lightly covering golden leaves. God had silently changed the outside scene, and to my relief, I realized He had changed the one inside me as well. For grief was fading, and trust and peace were renewing. Though I could not let go, God had loosened my grip, and was readying me for the public part of my day – with the Hope which burned eternal. “Thank You, Lord.”
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father
of compassion and the God of all comfort,” 2 Corinthians 1:3 NIV
Blessings,
Susanne
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