– Secret Place Insights –
Dear One, sometimes I wonder if I will ever fully, completely, without a doubt, learn to trust God to the point that I move forward in His service without a thread of fear and trembling? The common saying in Christian circles is, “God does not call the equipped. He equips the called.” I believe that…because God has proven it to be true over, and over, and over, and over again. But still…
Every Sunday at the end of the service, I step forward, with a couple of others, to the front of the church. There we stand facing the congregation for the purpose of praying with anyone who has a pressing concern. I am glad to be there, for each and every time that intercessory prayer takes place, there is a strong sense of God’s Holy Presence, and guidance. So much so, that I often feel more like an observer than an intercessor. After the two of us join hands, and I utter a few words…swish… the Holy Spirit takes it from there, just as Scripture teaches. Those moments, for me, have never been anything other than astounding, but still…
So why the fear, why the trembling? Why must there be a personal battle every single Sunday? After sitting here, at my computer, thinking on this, I think I finally understand. I’m not doubting God. I am doubting myself. I fear letting God and the congregants down. So, I guess it is not a matter of a lack faith…for if I lacked faith – I wouldn’t even be a Prayer-Partner, would I? I think not.
Perhaps the few moments of fear and trembling are actually a good thing? For don’t they keep me, and you, totally reliant on God, and leave little wiggle room for ugly pride to squeeze its way to the fore? That has got to be a good thing, isn’t it? For if pride is involved…nothing of importance can take place, can it? I think not.
So with this line of thinking, it seems to me that when doubts begin to circle, I should not be disgusted with myself, nor should you. We should be grateful. For it is those self-doubts which keep us dependent on God. What we can trust is not ourselves. We can trust that God equips the called, and that all are called.
“For where two or three gather in my name,
there am I with them.” Matthew 18:20
Blessings,
Susanne
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